To my fellow toxic man, I completely understand
what it's like to always feel the need to have the upper hand
and to blame your girl for everything that you're doing wrong
pushing her away but not enough to where she's moving on.
You just want to see how far you can take it.
She has some confidence but you know that you can break it,
draining all the love inside her heart until it’s truly vacant.
She only stays cause she prays for you knowing that you're too complacent.
You're too impatient and don't want to do that inner work.
You'll just tell her that you did your best but that it didn't work.
She's become an introvert from all the shit you did to her.
Only when you think about those nights does it begin to hurt.
You're somebody that you hate to be
always busy chasing things that you lost yourself along the way it seems.
Remember when your parents acted out and they screamed?
Well you're repeating the cycle doing the same thing.
And that's what happens when your family is dysfunctional
and love was really there but the fights were always punctual.
So that the love you had at home was all that you've ever known.
But there is a whole other side to it that you've never known.
Love is not a list of rules that are set in stone
that you give your girlfriend to follow when she's left alone.
I know what's like to want to have complete control
fucking blacking out and letting all that anger reach your soul!
Having every single partner always thinking that you're ruthless
and you don't have excuses, you just don't know why you do this.
But looking back, insecurities is what it was.
I felt that if she left, it would mean I'm not enough.
But I know it's the demons in my head I need to slaughter.
Not anybody else, it's myself I need to conquer.
And I had an epiphany that left me truly bothered -
I yell just like my father.
And in that very moment, I realized I need to change me
cause I dont want to be the fuckin man whose always angry
accusing her of cheating because I'm the one who cheated.
And saying that I love her but I make her feel defeated.
See I wanted to learn how to show her she was needed
and love her every damn day, not just when it’s convenient.
And I will tell you something that I wish somebody said to me:
Not being a controlling man will actually set you free!
So fight your demons! I mean every single one!
For the times they held you back and never let you see the sun!
Because it's all up to you who you potentially become
And by hearing this, you've already mentally begun.
I am proof you can be a better version of yourself.
You just got to put the work in and start searching in yourself.
And it's not gonna be easy, but you know what you need to do.
To my fellow toxic man: I believe in you.