"Musings of a Malcontent" is a weekly op-ed by GlobalWarmingisReal contributor Carlyle Coash
Recently I have become aware of the fact the a few readers actually take everything I say here literally. Yes, I know. It seems far-fetched.
“This post being taken to be exact truth? Are you sure?”
Oh I am sure. Last week when I said it would take penguins roosting on Alcatraz for us to realize that we have let global warming go to far, someone actually sent in a comment wanting to tell me that would be impossible. They only live in the Southern Hemisphere after all.
Yeah, I know. In fact I only picked species from there because it would mean things are very bad if they are hanging out up here.
I was being clever.
I am very sorry.
After a few months of writing this post I figured most readers realized that the purpose of these weekly musings is to poke fun at things. Maybe, if all goes well, you might laugh a little – shake your head with a smile on your face. You see - in case it was unclear - irony, sarcasm and a few puns have been bankrolling the whole affair – and for that I am thankful. I know sarcasm is the fool’s wit, but boy is it needed most of the time.
People taking what I say literally gives me the impression that all is not well in the state of Denmark.
(Sorry – I am on a Shakespearean roll here – or whoever wrote his plays.)
There is so much ridiculousness in the world pushed on us on a daily basis that laughter is imperative. Frankly anything to dispel how out of balance it is helps us to fight against the darkness smothering us with our own pillow. If the seriousness sets in too deeply, then the other side will truly win. We will have been broken by despair. No thanks.
Let me help by offering an example of what I mean.
A moment ago I watched a commercial for tourism in the Gulf of Mexico. Yes the states of Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama and Florida want me to come and visit because the Gulf is just an amazing place. Oh yeah – the commercial was brought to me by BP.
Irony does not run any deeper than that my friends.
I watched the commercial in disbelief. Everyone is jovial and happy. Come on and eat our shrimp! Mmmmmm. No mention of what has happened. It is in bad taste, really. If those states had done it on their own – then it would have been great. Good for them – stepping up to say they are still worth visiting. I would be packing my bags.
To have the BP logo on the end of it – specifically saying they sponsored it – made me want to take a shower. Or at least smoke a cigarette.
However, after toweling off the next thing I want to do is make fun of it. Compulsion really. It’s been there since birth. This helps me not despair at the fact that you can bet the majority of the people who watch that commercial will actually think BP is doing a good thing. They are oh so sorry for neglecting to pay attention to the massive straw they plunged into a huge pressurized vat of toxic oil under the ocean.
Hey BP – it’s under the water for a reason ya' know.
The only commercials we should be seeing from them for a long time is what complete idiots they are. We should be seeing the CEO personally cleaning every last bird, fish and beach front while barely being able to look the camera in the eye. Actually him just sitting in a chair sobbing would be perfect.
So instead of punching my computer screen, this came into my brain instead:
I hear BP is coming out with some amazing hair care products using the recycled oil they have been collecting from the Gulf spill. They’re calling it Sheen. It comes in its very own oil slick pouch so it feels authentic.
Sadly instead of feeling a little better for my silly notion I am now thinking – “Please, please, Lord, let them realize I was kidding.”
I was. I promise.
So to be clear – irony, sarcasm, puns and whatever I can think of – are the masters here. I may present a fact now and again, but only to make fun of it or something else. After all I do have a job to do.
Anyway, time to be going. I want to take another shower so I can try my new bottle of Sheen. If it would only stop slipping out of my hands – thanks BP!
BTW – Check out this excellent spoof of the new BP commercials.
Image source: The Alopecian Muse